The Three Yous — Chapter 5
Why do you need to trust again?
Be trusting, be the mirror, be the funnel
Welcome to another ‘The Three Yous’, the only weekly newsletter that is for no one but can impact everyone. Each week, I send you three potentially life-changing ideas about you as a person, you as a partner and you as a leader. This week, we’re talking about 1) learning to trust again, 2) how to be the mirror for yourself, and 3) why the funnel is a leaders best tool. Enjoy.
You as Me
There is a direct correlation between trust and vulnerability. If you don’t trust, you will never be vulnerable. Without being vulnerable, you will never let others in. Without letting others in you will never experience pure love and joy. Simple!
Well, not really. I have had my trust broken by a few different people in different parts of my life. I have had trust broken in a relationship. I have had trust broken by an expert. I have had trust broken by a colleague. All these things have made my outer shell thicker and stronger. All these things have also made my scared of being vulnerable and so not revealing the real me.
“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
This hasn’t made me a better person. It has made me more sceptical. More afraid of being myself. It has made me tired of protecting me from the one person I don’t need to protect it from, ME!
Yes, it is challenging to step into the ring again after a knockdown. You are heading into the space where you got hurt. But is the alternative any better? Standing on the outside looking in. Imagining all that might happen if you enter the pain pit.
One lesson I have learned through incredible loss and pain, you only never know how strong you are until strength is the only choice you have left.
You in a family
I look at my son with such pride. I sometimes check on him before I go to sleep and just smile at the person he is becoming. The things he does, the way he cares for others, the smile he brings to people. I look at him so peaceful.
Then in the morning, he wakes up and then he isn’t this angel. He is the mirror image of me, and I hang my head in shame. Do I really do that? Surely, he didn’t pick that up from me! He can’t be related to me, can he?
You see our kids are mirrors of who we are. Of how we talk, behave, act. If we get angry over silly things, I am betting a lot of money your child does the same. When you speak poorly to our partner or kids, I am pretty sure you will see your kid doing precisely the same.
“Everybody else needs mirrors to remind themselves who they are. You’re no different.”
- Jonathan Nolan
But what do we do with that information? We stop, observe, reflect and then decide if we are happy with what we are seeing. If we aren’t, then we make a commitment to ourselves and children that we are going to change. We are going to be the example that our kids are going to learn from. That is a positive change — just in case you needed that clarification!
The greatest gift you can give your children is to provide them with the tools to work out what they need to do in any situation they are facing. To give them the ability to look at themselves in the mirror and be happy with what they see back. That is a legacy worth leaving!
You as a Leader
I love the funnel. It enables you to guide something, that has a habit of defiance, into where you want it to go. It allows you to herd things into some kind of order that you can manage. It will enable you to discard the things that don’t take you closer to your goal and really refine what it is you want and need.
As an individual, I see the funnel helping me focus on the purer version of myself, and as a leader I see the funnel helping to refine the offering my team and I take out to our customers. As a leader, you are driven to make a difference. Either to your team or your customers. Having a funnel allows you to continually look to improve that. Not to make significant changes but small refinements. Small additions that enable clarity. Small tweaks that make a substantial impact.
“I think that’s the job of a director really — to sort of funnel all the creativity into one centralised point of being.”
— Peter Jackson
The funnel is your greatest tool as a leader. It gives you the confidence to pull the right lever that is going to bring you the most significant change. To guide your team and customers down the path, you have mapped out to arrive at the promised land. Use the funnel wisely, and you will never falter from the path.
